Jumping In

When’s the right time to make the changes you know you really want and need to make? How on earth are you going to get started with them? If you’re anything like me these are the kind of nagging questions that occasionally keep you awake at night.

Well here’s the thing. Last week I went river swimming with my family. The day was hot and the water was C-O-L-D. It was cold but it was beautiful and appetizing, coming fresh from the mountains and collecting in deep, clear pools. I knew I wanted to get in. I knew I would have to. I’d hiked an hour to get here for heaven’s sake. I was hot and sweaty and craving the cooling caress of the water. I also knew that there was no way in hell I was going to be able to edge my way in, step by tenuous step, the icy water inching up my exposed and oh-so-sensitive skin.

There was clearly only one thing for it. I would have to jump in.

And jump I did. (See above.) Once I’d committed to the idea the act itself was the matter of a moment. I was immediately freed of all that mental torture of ‘will I won’t I? can I can’t I? will I just wait a bit longer?’ and the agony of prolonging that is a slow, uncertain entry into uncharted waters, the heightened, over-sensitized pain of it.

I’m not saying it wasn’t cold when I splashed down. You only need to glance at the grimace expression on my face as I hit the water. But then, instantly I was in. And it was over. I could kick and swim to warm myself up. I could relax into the water and into movement, freed from the paralysis that preceded it.

And it struck me that this is so often the way in life, whenever there are changes to be made or decisions to be taken. The worst bit is the waiting. The over-thinking. The build-up.  The tension. So many times we’d be so much better off just jumping in. Screwing our courage up and launching ourselves forward.

Splash!

 

 

 

 

Riding the Wave

On Saturday I went surfing for the first time in a LONG time. Luckily it turns out that surfing is a bit like riding a bicycle in that once you’ve learned how to do it you never forget no matter how long you leave it. In fact, you step back on the board at just the level of competence that you were previously. Sweet.

On the first decent sized wave that came through I surprised myself by jumping to my feet swiftly and easily and finding myself atop the board and looking down the face of the wave. In fact I was so surprised that there was a moment in which I wobbled and almost relinquished control of the board to the wave, allowing myself to fall off the back.

But in that moment, that fraction of a second, I decided to ride that wave, to weight my front foot and take control of the board. In an instant the experience went from the power of the wave pitching me off to me harnessing that power and gliding smoothly and rapidly forwards with it. Such a buzz.

It struck me that the work I’ve been doing in my climbing and here on my blog on visualization and following through came together in that moment to enable me to instinctively make that snap decision to commit and to ride that wave.

Through training a positive mental and physical response in different circumstances we make that positive response available to us in any and all situations that require it. No effort is ever wasted. We are constantly learning and transferring our new skills across the different spheres of our lives.

Thinking about it further I realized that since I started working on my commitment in rock climbing (to scary moves, to climbing above protection, to finishing out a route) my ability to commit in my work life has improved dramatically (I am closing deals better, I am facing down the unpleasant tasks that used to hover undone on the edges of my to-do lists, I am doing stuff today not tomorrow).

I am learning that just as I can’t dictate the waves in the ocean I can’t control what life throws at me, but I can control my response to it.

I can ride the wave.

Morning Pages

I’m a big fan of morning pages, as recommended by Julia Cameron in her book ‘The Artist’s Way.’ Writing first thing in the morning, an outpouring of whatever begs to spill onto the page is a great way of both clearing the mind of clutter and getting the writing muscles warmed up and working. A half hour to yourself before the clamour of the day presses in upon you can transform  that day into a more productive and positive one.

As with everything worthwhile, this practice may involve a little sacrifice. Or at the least, some groundwork. I don’t know about you and your life but grabbing that extra 30 to 60 minutes in the morning isn’t always easy for me. I have a three year old son and once he’s up and around I have precious little attention for anything else. So doing my morning pages necessitates getting up earlier than he would normally wake and then sneaking around in our small, totally unsound-proof house, so as not to wake him and invite chaos upon me.

Also, partly as the mother of a small child and partly by nature, I am a big devotee of sleep. I crave it. I carefully calculate the hours I manage to squirrel away. I count the cost of disturbed nights in lost hours of productivity in the day or in dips in mood and surges in irritability. (Seriously. If you have children you’ll know what I’m talking about. Parenthood is the best thing in the world but can also sometimes feel like torture: the being kept awake all night by tiny kicks in the head and constant pulling of your hair; followed by a day of incessant, insistent questioning. Aaargh.)

So something has to give. If I am to manage my morning pages I have to make sure that I’m in bed nice and early the night before, getting some quality sleep in before any toddler night time shenanigans kick off so that I can wake up fairly naturally at a suitably early hour. No late night movies for me. Or in fact any evening screen time.

It’s not really much of a sacrifice. Especially not when the payback is so worthwhile. Starting the day off feeling good, setting the tone for a contented, productive day. And, who knows?, laying the groundwork for greater things.

Do morning pages work for you? Or what tips do you have for starting the day off well?

 

Changing State

Yesterday the weather broke. The day dawned with storms, the temperature plummeted and the clouds didn’t lift. It was a day for staying indoors.

After a long summer of mostly glorious weather and a life lived largely outdoors, I couldn’t really complain. But even so, by 5pm I was starting to go a little stir crazy.

I had been cracking on with my desk based jobs and even some housework (shocker!) which all made me feel rather pleased with myself but I got to the point where self-satisfaction wasn’t enough. I needed to move. I needed to change state.

And so I went for a run. Just a shortish one. But long enough to get me out of the house and get my blood pumping. Enough to get me breathing in lungfuls of fresh air and drinking in the beauty of the woods through which I ran.

By the time I got home half an hour later it felt like a new day. The rain and heavy cloud was no longer oppressive. I was awake again and now I had an evening to enjoy, rather than to struggle through, sofa-bound.

What about you? How do you change your internal state when you need to? Do you find your mood affected by the weather and your environment? I’d love to hear your experiences.

Curveball

When life throws you a curveball you can do one of several things.

1. Panic!!! A natural reaction but best controlled. Panicking just makes things worse. End of.

2. Slump into a depression. See above.

3. Take it as a spur to action. Whatever you do, doing something will make you feel better about it. More in control. If it turns out to be the wrong thing or ineffective then you have the chance to evaluate, stop and revise your action.

Whatever you do, do something.

These words are written to myself. Life has just thrown me one of those curveballs, as it does to all of us from time to time. It is time for me to take action. This post is a first, tiny step in doing so. Action does not have to be huge or dramatic to qualify. Action is just doing. Doing something, big or small.

Whatever you do, do something. It bears repeating.

Now, if anybody out there has a job they want to offer me or a lump sum of money that would be great too! Anybody?

Oh well. Failing that, I’ll just get on with my action plan.

Steady Away

Today my phrase of the day is ‘steady away.’

It’s a Monday morning. I have LOTS to do. Lots of stuff I should have done ages ago. It’s all mounting up. My house and office are a mess. If I’m not careful I’m going to start telling myself that I’m a mess.

It’s really not that bad. It’s just a lot of little things, starting to pile up. The worst thing I could do would be to allow it all to overwhelm me. Because then I would be rendered incapable of tackling any of it.

What I need to do is hold fast to the concept of ‘steady away.’

Little steps. Consistently taken.

Enjoy each tiny, positive action and they will start to build. Movement in the right direction is what matters.

The start of a virtuous circle.

Happy Monday to you all! What are your tips for dealing with the Monday morning blues?

The Power of Visualisation

Here’s the thing. You know that feeling you get when you manage to do something that you genuinely thought was impossible? Well, I’m bathing in that right now. *Pauses to savour the moment*

Admittedly, it wasn’t resolving the Middle East conflict or even getting a fancy new job but nonetheless I succeeded in doing something that I thought I couldn’t. And that’s really quite something.

Firstly, it’s a buzz. I mean, wow! I did it! I feel great – right now I’m even enjoying doing the housework (which is pretty incredible for me – I am by nature a slovenly housework avoider.) Furthermore, I feel great about myself. My confidence has shot up. Today I feel like I can take on the world. Anything is possible. (Even housework!)

And maybe it really is. Doing one thing that I thought was impossible challenges my beliefs on the boundaries of possibility. It opens up a whole new world of potential.

So, for me, the really interesting thing is how I managed to achieve the ‘impossible’ in this instance. And there was one really simple key to it. Visualisation.

To explain. My achievement was climbing a certain rock climb of a certain grade of difficulty. Not only was this grade above what I have ever done before but I did it with ease and full enjoyment in the moment. I was not afraid, which is often what holds me back from performing to my best in rock climbing. And, I’m beginning to realize, in life more generally.

The key to my achievement lay in the visualisation that I performed prior to the climb. I studied the route carefully and pictured myself performing each move, making each clip, moving my way steadily up the rock face to the top, success, safety and elation.

I watched myself make the moves, I felt my hands closing round the small but positive holds, I watched me place my feet on the little nobbles and felt the surprising power they gave to my legs. I felt myself dig deep inside and pull through the crux difficulties. I felt the flow of the movements and the joy of topping out.

And then I did it. Exactly as I had visualised.

So, the way I see it, if I can do it for a rock climb I can do it for other challenges in my life.

Watch this space.

Have you had any experience of the power of visualisation? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Premonition or Invitation?

Today has been one of those days where things have just gone wrong. From little things to quite big things. From simple failures to failures that I seem to have compounded via a catalogue of avoidable errors.

The funny thing is that the two major incidents of today were both catastrophes that I foresaw. You know how it is when you dread doing something because you just know it’s going to go horribly wrong? So you put it off and put if off and then you eventually get around to tackling it and guess what? It goes horribly wrong. Well there you have my day today.

It got me to wondering how much of my foreboding was a genuine sixth sense and how much was me creating a problem where there didn’t need to be one. Sadly (actually maybe not, maybe it’s a good thing if I can just be bothered to act on the knowledge) the ratio came down to 20% premonition and 80% invitation to disaster. Roughly.

So there you have it. If I spent less time sitting round on my arse not doing stuff while I build said stuff up into a big deal in my head and place road blocks in my own way then my life would run a lot smoother.

And that’s where mindfulness comes in. I need to bring my attention to the moment. Deal with things in the moment they arise, as opposed to letting them stew and fester and then dealing with them just before it’s too late. Brinkmanship in daily life and household tasks, that’s my style. Even more idiotic than it sounds. Talk about creating stress where there doesn’t need to be any.

If I am truly mindful I will stop wasting time on looking backwards and apportioning blame. So, I should have done it ages ago, so what? All I can do is do it now. Better that than sit around for another age blaming myself and still not doing anything about it.

If I am truly mindful I will stop looking anxiously to the future, second-guessing the possible results of any action taken now. I will stop inviting disaster in. Paralysing myself from taking any action by making myself afraid and then creating a disaster through missing deadlines or not performing tasks that should have been done.

If I am truly mindful I will live in the now. I will do what needs doing now, now. I will do what I can, now. After all, in reality there is only the now.

 

Fengshui For Your Mind

Yesterday was a momentous day in our household. After some two years in situ, last night we removed the stairgate from the top of the stairs. I know, I know. You’re probably thinking, ‘Man, this woman leads a wildly exciting life if this is her definition of a momentous Saturday night.’

Of course you’d be mostly right. I am the mother of a small child, ergo ‘wild excitement’ does not really have much of a place in my life these days. Unless you count ill-advised episodes of excessive sugar intake by my toddler son. Which I don’t. That kind of wild excitement we can all live without.

But I digress. The stairgate. Even I didn’t expect the simple removal of said stair-gate to amount to anything particularly momentous. Which might explain why I didn’t get round to doing it before now, even though we haven’t really needed it in many months. (Of course laziness is another possible explanation but I could apply that to most failings in my life, which would in turn make it just a lazy excuse. Must break the cycle.)

That stairgate had literally become part of the furniture. Well, okay. It had actually started out as part of the furniture if we’re talking literally. What it had become was embedded in our mental maps of our home. It was something we stepped through and over, swung back and forth, without really ever noticing it was there.

Which is why it’s removal really did have a momentous impact. The first time I walked up the stairs after it had gone I nearly fell straight back down them when I got to the top and was confronted with……nothing. I kid you not. There was so much space it was shocking. It felt more like we’d knocked down a wall rather than merely removed a few wooden struts.

Now, a full day later, I’m still having to gingerly lean my hand on the wall as I step onto the landing,  uncertain and untrusting of my perception. Sure, by tomorrow or the next day I’ll have forgotten all about it. I’ll be clattering carelessly up and down the stairs, with no need to stop and check myself. My mind will have eased back into step with this new physical reality.

But in the meantime living this minor household change and experiencing such a disproportionate shift in reaction has given me pause for thought. Firstly it’s made me think: ‘wow, cool. Feng shui in action – talk about an improved flow of energy in the house.’ Quickly followed by: ‘Gosh. Think of all the many minor impediments we place (or simply allow to remain) in our way mentally. Fixed beliefs that we accept unquestioningly, that we don’t even see anymore as they have become so much a part of our mental furniture. If removing such a minor physical barrier can have such a profound effect, imagine translating that benefit to a mental level.’

I guess change doesn’t have to be that dramatic to have a profound effect. The first step is recognizing the barriers that are tripping you up or slowing you down. They may once have been of benefit but perhaps have now outlived their use, just like our stairgate.

An example that occurs to me now, as I sit here typing this at 9 o’clock at night, is my fixed belief that as a ‘morning person’ I am only capable of writing first thing in the morning. This belief served me well for many years when it encouraged me to get up and at it but now, with a toddler in the house if I truly believe the only time I can ever write anything of any worth is first thing in the morning then I’d better give up writing entirely. Mornings are not my own anymore. It’s time to stop pretending that that’s about to change any time soon and instead I need to change my own attitude to time and reclaim my evenings for writing.

A minor adjustment. A little shuffle round of some old, hitherto unquestioned ideas. I’ll try living with it a while and see how it suits me. For now, it feels surprisingly good. Like (dare I say it?) my creative energy might even be flowing a little more freely.

Feng shui for the mind. You ought to try it some time.