Tag Archives: moods

Anger Management

I can be a *tad* moody sometimes. (Read: I have been known to scream in a Basil Fawlty-esque manner and kick inanimate objects over what might seem minor irritations to more zen-like beings.) Not all the time, but some times. And it’s never nice. Not for me or for those around me.

The problem is that once you find yourself in that wound up state it’s very hard to get yourself out of it. At least that’s my experience. And the truth is that the kicking and screaming doesn’t help. You think it will be a release, and it may be for a micro-second, but then the anger bounces back and winds you even tighter.

Tonight I found myself escalating into one such mood. I caught myself tossing toys into their boxes with increasing force as I tidied up the play room. I was snappy and belligerent with my other half. I made more noise doing the dishes than a jumbo jet on take off.

Luckily for me my other half isn’t one to let me get away with it. He challenged me to explain my mood. I couldn’t at first. I really didn’t know why I was feeling so goddamned grumpy but I was. As he probed further and I got rattier, eventually it sprang to the surface. I was actually feeling hurt and left out by a friend. I blurted out my grievances in a rush, surprising even myself with the source. I cried a little. (Well, quite a lot actually.)

I got it off my chest. And then I felt better.

The key is finding the source. Generally speaking it’s not actually the thing at which we are throwing the shoe and mostly it’s not even the person at whom we are snapping. More often than not it’s some hurt within ourselves. Looking in and asking the question can really take the wind out of the gale of anger that is blowing.

Once my brave other half had helped me to identify the source he went so far as to propose a solution. If I’m feeling left out then I need to make the effort to reach out. Instead of feeling angry with people for not calling me or including me in their plans I need to be the one making the calls and the plans. Taking control of my life and my moods.

Simples eh? Like all the best things in life, it’s magnificent simplicity and profound complexity all rolled into one. Now there’s something to meditate on.

 

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Fire in My Belly

I’ll be honest with you, today I have been a bit of a grumpy old cow. Well, not so much grumpy as fiery. Yes, let me put it that there has been a fire in my belly.  (Or read: I’ve flown off the handle a few times.)

I blame a few converging factors. For starters: two f*$%k ups on my part for which I am now paying the price and kicking myself. You know the kind of thing. Thing 1: crumpling up a receipt and leaving it on the dash of the car. The kind of thing we all do all the time. (Don’t we? Please? Or am I the only scatty one out here?) This receipt was for a package I posted with a camera lens I sold on ebay. I sent it signed for and urgent. What could go wrong? Well, it hasn’t turned up. And I have since turned over the car, the house, my wallet, every item of clothing I have, all the least likely nooks and crannies you could possibly think of…..three times over….and I still can’t find the damned receipt and tracking details. Doh!

Thing 2 was a similar tale of self-induced disaster and chaos. A task dreaded and delayed for a very long time. Then I go to do it and it turns out to be ridiculously simple. Apart from now I have to pay a fine for doing it late. Double doh!

For an intelligent woman I can be pretty dozy (doh-zy?) sometimes.

Ah, but that brings me neatly to my next point. It took me a while but at some point in my flying off the handle I had the wherewithal to take a breath, take a mental step back, look at myself and wonder, why? Why was I over-reacting so badly? And then it dawned on me. Dozy I may be but dozing is something I have done far too little of just lately.

For the last couple of weeks the toddler’s sleep pattern has fallen into disarray. This translates for me as a night time apparition. Anywhere from midnight to 4am, there will be the rising yowl of ‘MuUUUuum,’ followed by the pitter-patter-thud of tiny toddler feet. Then he’ll crawl into bed beside me.

Which would be fine if he didn’t insist on sleeping horizontally in the bed with arms and legs flailing constantly. To be fair, he doesn’t always sleep spreadeagled across the bed. No, sometimes he likes to sleep on top of my head. As in with full body weight and mass pinned to my face. It doesn’t make for a good night’s sleep.

And lack of sleep does not make for a happy me. So at least I have an explanation for my current snappiness which seems to have defused some of its power. Now all I need is to either a) sort out the toddler’s sleep pattern (I’m trying, believe me) or b) go sleep somewhere where he can’t find me. I’m thinking weekend break away while other half deals with him? Or, perhaps more realistically, I could just try making up the hours by getting to bed earlier and having a siesta whenever possible.

On which note, I really must to bed.